That was the verbage on the button of the clerk's smock at Walgreen's last evening when Gretchie-Girl dragged herself into the store to pick up yet more drugs. She looked at the busy clerk and said, uncharacteristically, "Yeah, you're right -- cancer sucks!"
This was following a entire day of sadness, depression, lethargy, no-appetite, some pain, some nausea, yes, but mostly just, "Bleh, I'm just sick of this whole thing -- lemmee outta here!" She was disgusted with herself because she sat, uncaring, before the TV all day with nothing more in her tummy than a small bowl of Cheerios and half a can of soup. The veggie snacks we'd cleaned and bagged the day before lay untouched in her fridge.
You all know this gal as sunny, upbeat, cheerful, and happy. I can take that a step further and can say, honestly, that I've seen her in tears fewer times than I can count on both hands. In her LIFEtime! Neither scraped knees on the playground, a fractured scapula from a nasty bicycle wreck nor a broken heart a time or two produced weeping. Depression? I don't think she even knows how to spell the word. But last night when she called me? Tears . . . tears . . .
It's the drugs, of course. Big BIG guns this time. The chemo? The anti-nausea stuff? Who knows?
Alan told me topack an overnight bag and practically pushed me out the door. I came here to find an untrimmed tree, a messy house, and . . . a crumpled daughter. She didn't answer her phone all day because she didn't want to whine and complain to anyone, she told me. I couldn't get her to eat anything, not even a tangerine! -- so we watched a movie until I fell asleep. I'm assuming she made it to bed just fine because I woke up and checked on her and she had an audio book playing early this ayem. We sat down in the kitchen and she consumed a giant bowl of Cheerios and said she felt a bit better. I took her temperature and she's running a low-grade fever (not unexpected) and complained of feeling hot. I cracked open a window and turned down the furnace and she went back to sleep.
She came down to her office just now in improved spirits. She's headed for a shower and may just face the day a new person!
She's VERY saddened by a message she just listened to from her buddy, Dayle in Dallas. Two close friends of theirs, who worked for the same bank for years, were laid off yesterday. This, coupled with serious layoffs (including Gretchen's boss!)at her own company, Navitaire, is enough to send ALL of us back to bed with depression! None of are immune . . . none.
So let's get that tree trimmed (maybe asking too much) and those yukky dishes washed, shall we? I'm here to help!
What was that I said in my last blog about being flexible? Let's hear it for the foibles of cancer! So here's my sincere cheer:
BLEEEEEEEEEEH!!!
Friday huggies to you all,
Lindy-Lou the Mom
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6 comments:
It's ok to feel depressed once in a while, Gretchen. And it's ok to whine and complain sometimes too. We all admire you and the courageous way you have handled this battle so far. But we also would totally understand why you would want to complain sometimes too! There's no rule that says you can't have a down, gray, depressing day every now and then. Cancer does suck, and it's ok to want to be done with it. Sometimes you just don't have the energy to be happy. But we'll be happy for you, and send our happy thoughts your way to help bouy you up and get you back to feeling happy again. A lot of people love you and are cheering for you, Gretchen! So let us be happy for you while you have a bad day. That's what we're here for!
And good job, Mom, for going over and helping her out. Just goes to show that no matter how old we get as children, we still need our moms!
Gretchen - I would say that this is some what normal knowing what you have been through the last few months and everything else that we have going on in the world these days. I seem to remember talking to you Monday afternoon, while you and Alan were on the hunt for a that beautiful Christmas tree. In that conversation I seem to remember telling you to call me for anything...you have always been there for me when I have struggled and unfortunately complained a time or two. You can call me anytime to talk, cry, and complain (although I don't think you know how to).
You have always been an inspiration to me. I love and admire you in more ways than you know. The strength, courage, faith, and perseverance you demonstrate is amazing.
I love you very much! You are a amazing! Hang in there and know that we are thinking of you and praying for you.
Love,
Anna
I hope you and everyone reading this know how far your spirit spreads over this globe. I have been in Sydney Australia this week, and I can tell you I recieved a lot of heartfelt support to bring back to you from your Sydney Navitaire Friends and your Virgin Blue friends. keep pushing through the tunnel. looking foward for you to charge out of it as soon as possible.
I love you, Gretchy-poo! :-*
Like Annie said, "I love ya, Tomorrow. You're only a day away!" It's okay to feel lousy - and to feel lousy about feeling lousy!
You are loved, Gretchen. :-)
Hey Partner. Thinking of you often. I'll plan a trip to SLC so that we can dance again...
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